Why do I cling to things, people, places that no longer serve my being? Is it because I am a creature of habit? Could it be fear of the unknown that stops me? Or is that comfort is found in the known rather than the unknown? I think for me it is an accumulation of all of the above and more. This all sounds very deep for a Monday morning, or shall I say a Monday afternoon. Time ticks along and I find myself still holding on to the same thoughts, and feelings and baggage of yesterday, only to find out it is too heavy to cart around. I can analyze, dissect, take apart and put together things but it will never be the same. I am realizing time is fleeting and all we have is today, this minute, and all we have of yesterday is a memory. WOW …. that is deep, but so damn true! Sometimes, or most of the time I kick and scream until I cross that other side and only then do I realize I had to go thru all that sh#t to get together side.
I had a chat with my bestie this morning and she said this and that. Truth be told I did not really like everything she said but know it to be true. Ah the healing process, the place of acceptance. That place where you realize this is why it feels yucky right now, because you are supposed to be feeling all of these emotions good and bad. Why does it not usually happen overnight, or in a big lightning bolt! It usually happens when I least suspect it, cruising the aisles of the grocery store reading the latest trashy magazine while waiting in line. Sometimes it will be that little voice inside me that quietly whispers to me or it will be that new person I meet in the aisle next to me that whispers or yells to me to keep going.
I guess this is all part of LIFE ….. all the ups and downs, all the colors of the rainbow swirling around in my head and my heart. I know it feels better when I just LET GO!